"'Jilwsi.vs Older " DE WlTT^S '' Aitiiis Play** 

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DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS 

(]ViiTiil>ev 34.7.) 




A HAPPY DAY, 



A Farcical Comedietta^ 



IPO" T TT^ O -A. O T JS 



BY 



J. H. ^^^ALLACE. 



TOGETHER WITH 



A Desciipliou of tlje Costumes — Cast of tlie Cluiracters— JKutrances 

aiid-Exits — Relative Positions of tlie Peifonneis on the 

Stage — and tlie wliole of tlie Stage Business. 




DE WITT. PUBLISHER, 



No. 33 Mose Street. 




REIADT 



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^* A COMPLETE DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE OF DE WITT'S ACTINB 
PLAYS, AND DE WITT'S ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMAS, containing 
Plots, Costume, Scenery, Time of Representation, and every other informa- 
tion, mailed free and post-paid. 



DE ^^ITT'S 

ETHIOPIAIi AND COMIC DMMA. 



Nothing so thorough and complete in the way of Ethiopian and Comic Dramas has ever 
been printed as those that appear in the following list. Not only are the plots excellent, the 
characters droll, the incidents funny, the language humorous, but all the situations,^y-play, 
positions, pantomimic business, scenery, and tricks are so plainly set down and clearly 
explained that the merest novice could put any of them on the stage. Included in this 
Catalogue are all the most laughable and effective pieces of their class ever produced. 

*^* In ordering please copy the figures at the commencement of each piece, which 
indicate the number of the piece in " De TVitt's ETHI0PIA^f and Comic Dkama." 

j^= Any of the following Plays sent, postage free, on receipt of price — Fifteen Cents 
each. 

j@@= The figure following the name of the Play denotes the number of Acts. The I 
fif^ures in the columns indicate the number of characters — M. male; F. female. 



M. F. 
141. Absent Minded, Ethiopian farce, 1 

act 3 1 

73. African Box, burlesque, 2 scenes. . . 5 

107. Africauus Bluebeard, musical Ethi- 

opian burlesque, 1 scene 6 2 

113. Ambition, farce, 2 scenes 7 

133. Awful Plot (An) Ethiopian farce, la. 3 1 
43. Babv Elephant, sketch, 2 scenes.. . . 7 1 
42. Bad" Whiskey, Irish sketch, 1 scene. 2 1 
79. Barney's Courtship, musical inter- 
lude, lact 1 2 

40. Big Mistake, sketch, 1 scene 4 

fi. Black Chap from Whitechapel, Ne- 
gro piece 4 

10. Black Chemist, sketch, 1 scene 3 

11. Black-Ey'd William,sketch,2 scenes 4 1 
146. Black Forrest (The),Ethiopian farce, 

1 act 2 1 

110. Black Magician (De),Ethiopian com- 

■ icalitv 4 2 

126. "Black Statue (The), Negro farce 4 2 

127. Blinks and Jinks, Ethiopian sketch. 3 1 

128. Boboliuo, the Black Bandit, Ethio- 

pian musical farce, 1 act 2 1 

120. Body Suatchers (The), Negro sketch, 

2 scenes 3 1 

78. Bogus Indian, sketch, 4 scenes 5 2 

89. Bogus Talking Machine (The), farce, 

1 scene 4 

24. Bruised and Cured, sketch, 1 scene. 2 

108. Charge of tlie Hash Brigade, comic 

Irish musical sketch 2 2 

148. Christmas Eve in the South, Ethio- 
pian farce, 1 act 6 2 

35. Coal Heaver's Revenge, Negro sketch, 

1 scene 6 

112. Coming Man (The), Ethiopian sketch, 

2 scenes 3 1 

41. Cremation, sketch, 2 scenes 8 1 

144. Crowded Hotel (The), sketch, 1 sc. 4 1 
140. Cupid's Frolics, sketch, 1 scene 5 1 

12 Daguerreotypes, sketch, 1 scene .... 3 
53. Damon and' Pythias, burlesque, 2 sc. 5 1 
63. Darkey's Stratagem, sketch, 1 scene 3 1 
131. Darkey Sleep Walker (The), Ethio- 

Dian sketch, 1 scene 3 1 



124. 
111. 

139. 
50. 
G4. 

05. 

67. 
4. 
135. 
98. 
52. 
25. 

83. 

51. 

152. 

106. 

83. 
77. 



31. 

20. 

82. 

130. 

86. 

70. 

61. 

142. 

23. 

118. 

3. 

48. 

68. 
150. 

71. 
123 



M. F. 

Deaf as a Post, Ethiopian sketch 2 

Deeds of Darkness, Ethiopian ex- 
travaganza, 1 act 6 1 

Despei'ate Situation (A), farce, 1 sc. 5 2 

Draft (The), sketch, 2 scenes 6 

Dutchman's Ghost, 1 scene 4 1 

Dutch Justice, laughable sketch, 

1 scene 11 

Editor's Troubles, farce, 1 scene.. . 6 

Eh ? What is it ? sketch 4 1 

Election Day, Ethiopian farce, 2 sc. 6 1 
Elopement (The), farce. 2 scenes. . . 4 1 

Excise Trials, sketch, 1 scene 10 1 

Fellow that Looks like Me, inter- 
lude, 1 scene . 2 1 

First Night (The", Dutch farce, 1 act 4 
Fisherman's Liick. sketch, 1 scene. 2 
Fun in a Cooper's Shop, Ethiopian 

sketch 6 

Gambrinus, King of Lager Beer. 

Ethiopian buiiesqiie, 2 scenes 8 1 

German Emigrant (The), sketch, Isc. 2 2 
Getting Square on the Call Boy, 

sketch, 1 scene 3 

Ghost (The). Sketch, 1 act 2 

Ghost in a Pawn Shop, sketch. 1 sc. 4 

Glycerine Oil, sketch, 2 scenes 3 

Going for the Cup. interlude 4 

Good Night's Rest, sketch, 1 scene. 3 
Go and get Tight, Ethiopian sketch, 

1 scene 6 

Gripsack, sketch, I scene 3 

Guide to the Stage, sketch 3 

Happy Couple, 1 scene 2 1 

Happy Uncle Rufus, Ethiopian mu- 
sical sketch, 1 scene 1 1 

Hard Times, extravaganza. 1 scene. 5 1 
Helen's Funny Babies, burlesque. 

1 act 6 

Hemmed In. sketch 3 1 

High Jack, the Heeler, sketch, 1 sc. 6 

Hippotheatron, sketch 9 

How to Pay the Rent, farce. 1 scene 6 

In and Out, sketch. 1 scene 2 

Intelligence Office (The), Ethiopian 
sketch, 1 scene 2 *■ 



A Happy Day. 



^ ?I)omc6ttt jTarce, 



IN ONE ACT. 



By I^ICHAI^T) HENRY. /..^.x^X ^^ 

ADAPTED FOR THE AMERICAN STAGE '' "^" J ^ ' 



By H. L. WILLIAMS. 



FIEST PRODUCED AT THE GAIETY THEATRE, LONDON, OCT. 11, 1886. 



TOOETHEB WITU 



A DESCRIPTION OP THE COSTUMES— CAST OP THE CHARACTERS — ^EN- 
TRANCES AND EXITS — RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE PERFORM- 
ERS ON THE STAGE, AND THE WHOLE OF THE STAGE 
BUSINESS. 



DE WITT, PUBLISHER, 

No. 33 Rose Street. 

Copyright, 188G, by A. T. B. Dk Wixx. 



\ 




^ 



^^tT^^ 



"L A HAPPY DAY. 

CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Gaiety Theatre, 
London, Oct. 1886. 

T. Jawkins (foreman aud father of eight) low comedy Mr. Arthur Williams. 

Mrs. Jawkins (his wile), comic old woman Miss H. Coventry. 

Angelina (beloved by Edwin, age seventeen), ^ Miss Beale. 

SoPHONisBA (age fourteen aud a half), 

Tommy (twelve and a half), 

William Frederic (ten), 

Francis Robert (eight), 

Bertie Adolphus (six), 

Montague ) . 

Montmorency S ' j 

Edwin (beloved by Angelina), walking gent 

Kewton (a detective), character or heavy Mr. Le Hays. 



Miss Terriss. 
\ their family. , . 



TIME IN REPRESENTATION— ONE HOUR. 



SCENERY. 

A plainly furnished sitting-room in 2 or 3 grooves. 

I Door. I I Window. | 

Fireplace, 



Door, Door, 



Door, /^^m„i,,» Door. 



(2) Table. 



O O 

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

Closed in. Door in flat and at r. 1 e., l. 1 e., r. v. e. and l. tt. e., all practicable; 

cai'pet down; cheap engravings and prize chromes on walls; round table and two 

chairs, r. c. ; painted fireplace and window on flat. Fireplace has gas fire ready to 

be touched up alight. 



COSTUMES. 

Jawker.— Appears in trousers and vest; afterwards in a fancy tweed suit; rather 
English in appearance. 

Edwin. — Walldng suit, straw hat. 

Kewton. — Dark suit, Derby hat. 

Mrs. Jawkins.— Appears partly attired; then in a showy summer dress; sun um- 
biella. 

Angelina.— Appears in wrapper and curl papers. She is sentimental. Summer 
dre.ss. 

SoPHONiSBA.— Appears in wrapper; front curls in paper. She is lively and laugh- 
ing. Summer dress. 

The Children. — Appear in night-dresses, then in best clothes. 

[For Properties and Stage Directions, see last page. 



/2-39/ZZ^ 



A HAPPY DAY. 



SCENE. — Jawkins' 2?a»*^or. Early morning ; lights down; stage darJc. 
Curtain rises in silence. Ckildren make a noise off L., scuffling 
and screaming. 

Enter, l. u. e., Tommy, William. Francis, and Bertie, quietly, in their 
bedgowns, hair on end. They creep on tiptoe to R. 1 E. door and 
knock loudly. 

Boys. Fatlier! Mother! It's time to o-et up. We sliall miss the train ! 
we sha'ii't catcli the train ! {and so on ad. lib. Then they knock loudly.) 

Voice of Jawkins {off r. 1 e.). Confound you all! Be quiet! Shut 
up! 

Mrs. Jawkins' voice is now heard same ; then a lull ; then enter, l. u. 
e., Montague (ind Montmorency, witJt toy spades and pails. The 
boysjight and hammer 0)t door r. 1 e. 

Enter, R. 1 e.. Jawkins, partly dressed, with a candle. Lights up. He 
has a bootjack in hand. He hunts the children rorind three times ; 
they go offL. u, e. at the tliird round ; lie hits at the last, he misses 
him, gets his Jinger caught in the, door, hoiclsy is released, staggers 
to R. c, and sinks exhausted into chair. 

Jaw. {puffing). Oh. to think thnt I, an in(hila-ent parent, should have 
to persuade niv offspring' into obedience by means of a bootjack ! And 
all this comes of arraniiini;- to i\\\ie. 'em out for a day's pleasurins:. I 
told Mrs. J. what it would l)e when we first beijan to siive up. so as to 
enjoy ourselves on this, our eiuhteenth weddir.ir-day. Directly she pro- 
posed to take the children I warned lier that the lives of Fox's Book of 
Miirtyrs woidd be peaceful and liappy compared to our.s. But of course 
she had lier way. I should like to tind a woman who didn't— especially 
when, as often happens, that wonnin is a wife. Of course I yielded. I 
sliould like to see a man who wouldn't — especially when, as al.so often 
happens, that man is a husband. And tliis is the result. Here they 
are beuinnini;- before daybreak. What it will be by noon, iroodness only 
knows! I shudder to think of it. Ah, well, it won't be much use to 
go to bed auain. I should have to hiudanum the lot before there'd be a 
chance to get a single wink, let alone forty. I may as well potter about 
and quietly get ready, (rising) I'll call Angelina, for her mother won't 
l)e up yet — not she! Not that you can expect your missis to be too 
much of a bond-slave on lier eighteenth wedding-day— eighteenth anni- 



4 A HAPPY DAY. 

versary, I mean, of course. So here goes ! (c7'osses to r. 1 e.) Angelina ! 
{pause) Augy, my child, wake up! It's getting late. Better tell her 
that, or sheWon't move for liours. Augy, I say ! 

Voice of Angelina {<>ffR- in muffled tones). Yes, pa ! 

Jaw. "Pa," indeed! That's some of lier mothet's lofty teaching. 
Hi ! emerge from under that there blanket, I say. We shall miss the 
boat. 

Ange. (sobbing). I don't care if we do— so there. 

Jaw. {coming c). Hoity-toity! here's some more of it. Got one of 
her tunlrums on, I suppose. I've he:ird some old ciiap in>the play, when 
I went in with an order once, tell parents to "make straws their child- 
ren." I s'pose tiiese grow up to make the men of straw in tlie savings 
baid^s that we've all been bitten l)y. I wish I'd taken his advice. 
Tll()u^■h I find those twins something similar. They're the last straws— 
they iu-e ; and I'm the camel's back — I am. They say there's no rest for 
thewicked. I don't know about th;it ; but, judging fronj my own case, 
I'm sure there's none for the virtuous. Angelina, I s:iy— do you hear 
me? Sophie, just punch her, will you? And also rouse yourself while 
you are iibout it. {coming doioi r.) I don't see why I should do every- 
thing, even if I am going to take you all out for the day. D'ye hear? 
Wake up, I say ! 

Enter, r. 1 e., Angelina and Sophonisba, both in deshabille and curl- 
papers. Angelina sinks dolefully into chair, r. o, wliile Sopho- 
nisba lights fire, etc. {Fire can be off, and Sophonisba can re-enter 
quickly. ) 

Ah, that's right, Sopli ; you're the sort of gal for my motiey. That's 
right, bustle jibout. And you, Angelina, for goodness sake wake up 
and do something. Go and dress them twins, or wash the others, or 
do something. Don't sit there looking like Mrs. Macbeth when she 
walks in her sleep. Wake up, I say, and pull yourself together. We 
sha'n't get to Coney Island to-daj'. 

Ange. {weeping). I don't w:int to go to Coney Island to-day, pa! 

Jaw. Don't "pa "me! Why not? It's the place to spend a happy 
daj', ain't it? 

Ange. {romantically). Not without him. There can be no happy diiy 
for me where he is not! 

Jaw. He I Come, none of these hiiihsterics ; they don't suit your sta- 
tion in life. Just dry them tears and bustle about. Dry theni tears, I 
say, and at once! If you don't want to go to Coney Island, I'm sure I 
don't mind. It will be one fare less to pay. And I'm sure we've aot 
l)lenty of fares to find, to say nothing of feeding you all. {during this 
.speech Sophonisba makes faces at Angelina and teases her, aside) It 
won't take long to make a hole in the little sum your mother and me 
has l)eeM i)utting by for tliis auspicious occasion. The first outiui!; we've 
had since the end of our honeymoon, when we went to Lincoln Park for 
a. day, out of an X as was sent to the newspapers for me for pullinii- a 
chap out of the water as wanted to drown himself. Seemed as though 
he also wanted to poison himself, seeing as lie jumped into the river at 
Astoria,-the stream is very sti-o))g there, in more ways than one. I 
drew out our savings yestenlay. Let me see ; how do we stand? Three 
wholes at one-half : seven halves— Soph will pass for under twelve 

Soph, {pouting). Oh, shall I? and in my new long dress, too? 

Jaw. Be quiet : don't interrupt me when I'm counting. I can't bear 
being interrupted when I'm reckoning up figures. Go you and help 



A HAPPY DAT. 6 

those youngster, if Angy won't. Let me see ; where was I? There will 
be seven lialves at a quarter, and three wlioles at a half ; that's tliirleen 
quarters for fares alone. Whew! Then there's a quart of ice creiiin at 
fifty cents, with another dime for the waiter — for we'll take our own 
plates along. 

Ange. {haughlily). Please, pa, I don't want to go. I tell you. 

Jaw. {s)iKeri)iglij). Then stop at home, my weeping-wilier; and na 
for the ice cream, there'll be more for tlien» as wants il. And, if you 
don't just droj) those airs and graces, I'll know the reason why, or my 
name ain't Jawkins. 

Soph, {dancing av'ldl// round Angelina). Yah ! 1 know wiiy slu? 
don't want to go. It's because her liancee, Edwin, can't get away to 
go too. Yah ! 

Ange. {furtons and weeping). You forward young minx! I'll box 
your ears for you— that I will. And I won't have him called Edwin l)y 
every one in the house. His name's Mr. Walkerton to all in this house 
but me — so there. 

Jaw. Oh, that's why you're lolling about, and refusing to ttdce them 
'•crackers " out of your hair, is it? Putting on airs about that highty- 
flighty clerk chap, are 30U? Well, we'll soon see about that. 

Mrs. Jawkins, also in curl-papera, appears at r. u. e. She pauses, 
aghast, as she is about to enter room. 

Ange. {slapping Sopiiontsba viciously). But, pa 

Jaw. Don't "pa" me. I won't be pa'd. I'm your parent, and I 
work for a living, and father's good enough forme. "Pa " is only for 
peoi)le who belong to the aristocracy, or who want to make you think 
they do. I won't have such ways. It's some of your mother's loftiness, 
that's what that is. 

Mrs. Jawkins {at doorway). Oh, indeed, Mr. J.! Is that the way you 
undermine a mother's authority? 

Jaw. Oh, it's you, mother, is it? Come at last, and not before you're 
wanted, either. Here, just talk to this young woman. Here she is 
niopinii' Jind carrying on, and won't do this, and won't do that, just be- 
cause that nainljy-pamby lawyer's clerk has "gone to business," and 
can't go to Coney Island. Business! Bah! We used to call it going 
to work, but most of the young fellers of the day don't know what work 
means. 

Mrs. J. Well, Mr. J., is that any reason why the poor child should be 
brow-beaten? Just because she is sensitive, like myself. 

Jaw. I wouldn't mind her being sensitive if she'd only be sensil)le. 
She's loo romantic— tliat's what's the matter with her Vviiy ain't she 
like Soph yonder? (Angelina ^^kZ Sofhonisba quarrelling apart.) 

Mrs. J. I presume you mean So[)honisba, Mr. J. She is a hoyden - a 
perfect hoyden. I admit that she is industrious ; but that's no rea.soii 
why this poor frail girl should be made a butt 

Sopii. Yali ! She ouiiht to be put in one. 

Mrs. J. Silence, Sophonislia! How dare you? 

Ange. {weeping and clinging to her mother). Yes, liow dare you? 

Jaw. {to Mrs. J.). Bah ! You are as bad as she is— worse, in fact, for 
you're older. 

Mrs. J. And what if I am older, Mr. J.? Is there anything surprising 
in that? 

Jaw. No. I suppose not. It's not an unusual thing, though some 
mothers would like make themselves out younger than their dauiihters. 



b A HAPPY DAY. 

But whnt I complain of is, that you encourage Angy in making up to this 
quill-driving cliup, instead of making her choose a solid, steady work- 
ing-man like her lallier. (Sophonisba is busy at back 'jetting youngsters 
ready. Occasional hubb/ib.) 

Mrs. J. {loftily). Do you think tliat your manners and customs, Mr. 
J., are of a kind to induce our tirst-born to yearn for a husband selected 
from liie working classes? /do not. If 1 stooped so low, my child 
shall not. 

Jaw. (c). Stooped, indeed! I like that— I mean, I don't like that. 
If I wasn't wealthy when you nuirried me, I was at least handsonie, and 
you know it — and {u'ith emotion) you used to call me your own "Jaw- 
key " in the days when you were a lady's-maid, and I was foreman at 
Woodlog & Co.'s timberyard. And you used to say that you was proud 
of me, and so you w;is. And when you saved up, and 1 saved up, and 
we got married, and my fellow-workmen came and pelted us with liand- 
fuls of rice as we came out of church, and drove ofi' in the liack, you 
said you was the happiest woman in all the four heniispheres of the 
globe— and so you was. And I said I wouldn't changti places with the 
head of the Vanderbllts. {icith -pathos) No, was it ever so, nor more I 
wouldn't. And now here we are on tiie eighteenth anniversary of what 
we both know was the most happiest day of oiu' lives, squabbling over 
our first-born, our dauiiliter and heiress. Now, mother, old gal, {draw- 
ing near her coaxinyly) I ask you, as a maternal woman, does this 
strike you as being a appropriate and also fitting manner of celebrating 
our united nupchules? Jest you answer me that, mother. 

Mrs. J. {softening). Well, jawkins, I don't say that it is. But you do 
carry on and aggravate a person so. Now, for instance, last Saturday 
night, you took yourself oil', knowing very well that Angelina had gone 
walking out with her beau, and that Soi)honisba had gone to fetclf the 
arrants, and there was no knowing when she'd be back, and the two 
boys was out a-parading the streets with the Salivation Army, and I was 
obliged to keep indoors and mind the children, and couldn't come out to 
see after you- and otfyou went, and came home at a nice time ! 

Jaw. {uneasily, and trying to avoid the subject, and assisting to r/et 
the children ready at back). Well, my dear, never mind that now. I^ 

Mrs. J. But I do mind, Jawkins. It's a wife's place to mind,' and to 
mind that she makes her husband mind, {aside to Angelina) Bear that 
in mind, my dear, (a/oud) And I think I had cause to mind, seeing- that 
you took yourself oflf again on Sunday morninii" before anvbody was up, 
and came lion)3 when it suited you, an hour and a half after the dinner- 
had been fetched from the Diiich baker's, (Jawkins tidgets uneasily 
about) and refused to give an account of yourself. But I have not done 
with the suliject yet. I warn you! 

Jaw. {aside). I can quite believe that, {aloud, coming forward) Well, 
even hu.<l)ands. my dear, are not always immaculate, and'l don't pretend 
t.) lie niMch immaculater than my brother husbands. But come, old <:al. 
do lei us sign a flag of truce, or rather an army stitch, and embrace and 
make it up. {pathetic again) After being husband and wife to each other 
for eighteen years, and after having- struggled on touether. so fond of 
each other as we are. and bringing up a lar-e family, it is hard- I don't 
know anything harder than bickerin;;- and carryinii' on on such a day as 
this. So give us a kiss, mother, old gal, so as to know there's no ill- 
feeling. 

Mrs. J. {smUing). Well, there! {they embrace) Ah, Jawkey, {nestling 
her head on his shoulder) I don't know where we would have been if we 
hadn't been fond of each other— do you? 



A HAPPY DAY. 7 

Jaw. No, motlier ; exct^pt perhaps in the divorce court; und we 
should l)0th have iiad lo save up a lot before wt» couhl have atlurded Ihar. 
{kissing Jier again) But sharp's tlie word, missis. Time is on tlie wiuu', 
us tliey say; ll)oui;li i thinl< it would be properer to say tliat thti wiuu's 
on Time. We siia'u't i^et tliat 'scursiou l)oat if we don't bustle about. 
{hurries about stage) Time and tide, you l<now, wait for no man, nor 
for his family eitht'r. And tlie tide liere is more punctual than most 
tides, because, you see, liis stated hoiu'S of goin^- and comini;- is always 
booiied in advance in tiie almanacs, just as if lie was a train, and of 
course we couldn't expect ium to alter his time without due notice. So 
hurry up, all of you, (bustles about, eating bread aiul butter as he goes 
about) poi) on your thini;s, and hey for the roUinu- tide, 

Mrs. J. {busijDig herself). Lor' bless me, Jawkins, 1 hope it don't roll 
much. If it does 1 shall be ill — I know 1 shall. Does it roll much ? 

Jaw. Lor', no; not it. 

Ange. {noui crossed to l.). And I shall be ill too, for I was when 
Edwin and I went on the steamer from Canal street to Neversink Park, 

Jaw. Aha! fancy being- ill over a roll ! Come, toddle away, Angelina, 
und relieve your locks from the thralldom of those crackers. 

Ange. {livening u})). But oh, pa, think of Edwin beini;- left alone by 
himself! Think how lonely he will be after six! What will he doV 

Jaw. {aside). Be otl to some variety show, or somewhere, I dare say. 
I know 1 should, {aloud) Oh, never mind about him; hell be all right. 
He's got the law to console him. 

Ange. {by door r. 1 e., dreamily). The law! But what is the law, 
com[)ared to love? 

Jaw. Well, love is often much cheaper. I must admit, and certainly 
more easily understood by the masses. There, be oil". 

Ange. {aside). Yes, I will linisli this note (takes paper out of her 
pocket) wiiich 1 began, telling Edwin how they forced me to go to Ihis 
haunt of pleasure. Yes, I will go, since they insist upon it; but I will 
be miserable all day long. I will not be happy while Edwin is from my 
side— so there! And I will take care tlnit my letter shall make him un- 
happy too: then our hearts will beat in unison; he will pine for my 
ju'esence all day long. [E.vit. r. 1 e. 

Jaw. (struggling with hoots he is hvtfoning on one of the children, 
who is silting on chair). Here's this boy'.s l)0()ts kicked out at the toes 
again, and dowji at the heels, and o(dy last week tliey had sev(M)ty-tive 
cents spent on 'em ; and half the buttons are of!', of course; and-hang 
it there goes another! 

Mrs. J. {tying large flop strain hat on one of thf. liltle girls). Oli, I 
declare it's dreadful: and I sat up n-Eriday night stitclnng buttons on 
that l)oy's boots! {to Utile girl) Do keep your head still ! How can any 
one tie a bow while you'n; wagging \our head about so? I dechire you 
children worry the life out of one between you! 

Jaw. Yes, and I declare tliat, what with one and another of 'em. I'm 
going baldheaded in this ceas(;less struu'iile for boots and shoes, to say 
nothing of socks. They say there's nothing like leather, and evidently 
Im-re ain't tiothing like it -for wearing out. 

Soph, {dressing bigger boy). Oh, I say, mother, here's Willie got such 
a great big tear in his jacket! 

Mrs. J. {tying sash on one of the little girls). What, already ! and only 
on Saturday night did I sit up and slave to make that jacket for that boy 
out of his father's old overcoat, which I turned and made look .as good 
as new. {crossing to hoy and shaking him) And where on earth did you 
do that? {boy cries and mumbles something.) 



8 A HAPPY DAT. 

Soph, {takinrf boy awarj up stage). He says one of the boys pushed 
him up against some railings, as they were coming out of Sunday-school 
yesLerduy afternoon. 

Jaw. [netting on his things). That's encouraging, that is. You send 
your ofl"s|)nng to places of worship to improve their minds, and they 
damage tiieir clothes in the process. 

Mrs. J. I'll walk round and see your teacher about that next Sunday. 
I'll let him know what's what, for not keeping his eyes upon his scholars 
better than that. 

Jaw. Well, mother, old gal, you can liardly expt.'ct the man to look 
after the boy's clothes as well as his catecliism. 

Mhs. J. Then I'll talk to the su[)erintendent about it. 

Soph. Oh, mother, the superintendent can't help it. He lias quite 
enough to do to stand on the platform and threaten to call up all the 
boys and girls who are making a noise. {Exit, l. v. e. 

xMiiS. J. {packing food, etc., in basket). It's a nice thing lor me. I 
must say, to go out with that boy's torn jacket on my mind all day, even 
if I darn it before I start. 

Jaw. {getting coat, etc., on). What, darn your mind, mother! Whj', 
lor' l)less you, 1 alwnys tliouglit that was sound enough. 

Mrs. J. Don't be idiotic, Jawkins. You know what I mean well enougli. 
Only you 

Jaw. Well, come on, all of you. We sha'n't be at the Island to-day, 
and llie fun will l,e all spoilt. Hurry up there! Roil the call— I mean, 
call the roll, and let's start. Soph, Angy, Tommy, all of you, come on. 

Enter Angelina, r. 1 e. : Sophonisba, i.., fol/oved by the eldest boy. 
All lite other children rise and rnsh doini to the front of the stage, 
and catch hold of Jawkins' coat-tails. Mrs. Jawkins gives refresh- 
nnent basket to Sophonisba, a)id ties her otcn bonnet-strings. 

Jaw. (c). Now, tlien. are we all assembled? {co2(nting them) Two, 
four, six, eiiiht— yes. J think wt^'re all here. Come on, old woman; 
take my arm. as you used to do in our old courting days, and let us 
away. * And you.Aiiuy, just look a little cheerful, and lend a hand with 
the other members of t^he Jawkins family. 

Mrs. Jawkins fakes his arm, Sophonisba busies about the group, An- 
gelina sullenly snatches the hrtnd of one of the little ones. They 
Jorm a procession, big ones first and make for c. D. in F. 

Jaw, {near door). Now then, away to the boat—to the boat! 

Suddenly c. D. is thrown open, and Kr.WTON stands on the threshold, 

a/nl bars the (ray. 

Y.K^TO'ti {enter in g^. Oh, indeed, to llie bo:it— eh? Not so fast, my 
friend - not so fust. " There i.s no boat for you to-day. No. nor to-morrow 
neither, nor next week: nor perhaps never. As time and justice will 
show in due course at the U. S. District Court. (Mrs. Jawkins shrieks, 
all the children scream, general confusion.) 

Positions. 

Kewton {/» front of door), l. a. 
Jawkins {lo'okin'Z at Kewton). c. 
Angelina, Sophonisba. Youngsters, R. 
Mrs. Jawkins, l. Eldest Boy, l. c. 



A HAPPY DAY. » 

Jaw. {recovering from consteriwiion, mid worJcing Jiims^elfup into 
a rage). Well, if it win't a rude question to aslc a straiiiier which 1 have- 
n't been iiiiroihiceti lo, may I asl< wiiat is your l)usii)ess, sir? 

Ki':w. {coming (loicii). My itusiiiess! H:i, ha! Tliat's liood. 

Jaw, {satiricdU;/). Oh. indeed! Fni very lihid lo lieiir lh;it. 

Kkw. As if you ditln t l^iiow my l)nsiness. But we waste lime. Come 
Willi me. The eye of the law is upon you. 

Mrs. J. {hKrrledly crossing to Jawkins. c). Wlnit! {shrieks) The eye 
of I he law upon myJawdcins! I'h not believe it. \Viiy? What for? 
lIoVri'Dle thouuiit! * Why, he Imsn'L been and committed i)igamy? 

Kew, Bi^-:imy ? . No. It would be well for liim if he iiad. 

Mrs. J. {indignant). And wh;it m:iy you mean IDV tlnit, sir, m:iy I ask? 
Do you mean to insinuate that I :ini not good enoug-h for him? 

Kew. Thai w:is not my meanini:-, ma'am, as 1 have no evidence upon 
lluit point. I mean, it were well for l)Oth of you, uu(.l also for your fam- 
ilv, if iliat w:is all he had been g-uilty of. 
■()MNKS. All! 

Jaw. {dazed). Here— look here! Will you have the goodness to ex- 
pl;dn why you invade my domestic hearthruii", fling all manner of a))use 
at me, and ni|) in the bud i)liins which, thanks to a ihiy's holiday, I had 
l)rei):ired for my family's happniess? [getting furious) Don't grin at me 
like that, you interloper, or 1 shall be tempted to spoil one of my few 
chairs by breaking it over your head ! {business.) 

Kew. {i-etreaiing). These murderous instincts will avail you nothing. 
The law is not to l)e frustrated— even by furniture. You take my advice 
and come quietly. 

Jaw. Never! 

Mrs. J. {imploringlt/). But come where? And why? 

Kew. Here- look here, my friend; do you mean to say that3'OU don't 
know my charge? 

Jaw. No, I don't know it: but I hope it ain't much, for we have only 
just enough for our boat and exes. 

Kew. My charge is a heavy one indeed, as you will find out. {looks 
round, closes door — business.) 

Mrs. J. (l. of Jawkins, and weeping). Oh, Jawkins, Jawkins, what- 
ever have you been and gone and done? Is it tampering with the till at 
your place of work? Oh, don't say that! 

Jaw. No. I sha'n't; because it isn't. 

Mrs. J. Then what crime is it? Ah, I have it. It must be betting? 

Jaw. No, it mustn't; because it isn't. 

Ange. (r. of Jawkins), Oh, pa, what have you done to bring all thi3 
sorrow upon our young lives? And, oh, think, perhaps they will drag 
you to a dungeon ! 

Kew, You have guessed it at once, miss. It is the least he can ex- 
pect, 

Mrs, J. And shall I stand by and see my Jawkins torn from me and 
taken to a prison-cell? No, it shall never be ! My place is by his side, 
and well he knows it. With all his faults — with all his faults— and he's 
nearly all faults— I love him still. Children, gather round me. and help 
me protect your uidiappy ])arent from this person, 

Ange,, Soph, and tlie others {clinging roundJxwKi^s, c). Oh, father, 
don't let them take you away from us! Boo hoo! {a7id .w on ad. lib.) 

Jaw, {pathetic(dlt/). Weep not. for me, my offspring, and bear up, my 
stout but sincere wife of my bosom. Even a common jury wouldn't con- 
vict me without knowing what I was charged with, and they do uncom- 
mon strange things sometimes. So weep not for me — {blubbering) weep 



10 A HAPPY DAY. W 

not for me, my beloved olive branches, {they cry loiider than ever. He 
gets furious) Oh, Uuii'j; it all! Do slop that yellin;;- and blubbering. 
Come, moiiier, old gal, wake up ! PuH yourself togvtiier! Let us i)re- 
sent a lirm front to ihe enemy. Close up, and let us make a rush for it. 
For the Island I {he takes hold of several of them aud is about to dash 
out.) 

Kew. {placing himself before door). Not so fast, my friend. One 
step farther, and I siunmon my colleagues, who are i)0SLed at every turn 
of this confoundedly long staircase of youi'S, and you'll get " the Island " 
sure enough ! A word, even a wink, from me, and they would show 
you scant mercy. So beware how you trille with pne'of Slinkerton's 
de tec lives! 

Jaw. {dazed). Ah, Slinkerton's defectives! {sinks into chair exhaust- 
ed) Well, wliat next? Proceed — that is to say, go on. 

Kew. {exuUingly).T\\ivi's l)etter — much better! And so you would 
try fliiiht, eli? and would pack yourself and your lovely but large family 
oti"to foreign parts, eh? 

Jaw. Foreign parts be blowed ! Coney Island is in the United States, 
I believe, or else my geography books at school was all wrong. Besides, 
I've seen it stated in the newspai)eis, so there's no denying it. 

Kew. Be careful — be careful ! I am not bound to admit the truth of 
that, or of anything you say. Moreover, all this may be taken down and 
used in evidence against you. Besides, this levity is ill-timed. Bear in 
mind, sir, you are known. 

Jaw. Well, of course I'm known by tlie people I know. 

Kew. {ap-proaching chair). Shall t tell you who you are? 

Jaw. Well, if you would be so kind 

Kew. Enoiigli, sir! You are Lord Blonddeal, the British Fishing 
Commissionei-, wlio harried our Cai)e Cod fleet and, in particular, towed 
the Sassy Sal of Newburyport into Halifax. 

Jaw. You go there ! 

Mks. J. The Sassy Sal! 

Kew. Yes, and I shall take you as a hostage, now you liave ventured 
on our soil. Tlie captnin of the Sassy Sal is still under bond, and blest 
if you won't l)e held to answer for the outrage, my sprig of nobility. 

Jaw. Me a sprig! 

Kew. Your disguise lias been penetrated, {solemnly) and we know 

where you were Saturday night! 

Mrs. J. I o 4- 1 • w I 
Jaw. [Saturday night! 

Kew. Ha! {to Mrs. Jawkins) Do you know where he went and how 
he passed tlie evening? 

Jaw. Hush ! 

Kew. I will not be bribed, Mr. Lord, in the execution of my duty. 

Jaw. {aside). I see it all ! Away goes all my future Saturday nights! 

Kew. I don't mind enlightening you, madam; and I can, fori tracked 
this foreiun interloper to his lair. 

All. His lair! 

Kew. I shadowed him into a saloon in Barber's allev. West Broadwav. 

Jaw. {aside). The Awfully Enii-lish Shades! I'm lost! 

Kew. And there, madam, in the midst of ultra Britannic beer, genuine 
Chester cheese. London mnsichall ditties, and mystic rites 

Jaw. {as before, with a sickly smile). Our Saturday Night Harmonic 
Meeting. I am more than lost! 

Kew. Aud then, madam, he was heard to sing, amid uproarious ap- 



A HAPPY DAY. H 

pl.iuse from liis confederates, an Eiiii,lish song in [)raise of some new 
niiro-glycerine explosive. 

Jaw. {excUedlij). Why, I only i;ave 'em "The Blow-out in the Pantry." 

Kew. Only '-'i'lie Blow-out " ! Why, he talks of revohilionary ditties 
as thou^li they were drawini;-rooni ballads. Yes, sir : 'twas enough — 
that one line, "Be in time tor the Blow-out," w:is sutiicient. This must 
be none other than the British agent, thouglit 1 ; and I was not mis- 
taken. 

Jaw. {firing up). Now look here ; you be careful. I oiUy wisli what 
you said was true, and then I could bring an action for libel jigainst you. 
And as for you coming iiere, and flinging charges and cheeiv against re- 
Si)ectali)le native Americans, I'll (llu'eateningltj.) 

Mrs. J. {2^ulling him hack, and putting him across to l.). I knew it 
would come to this one of these days. No married man can stop out of 
a Saturday night without some villany comes of it. {crossing to Kewton, 
loho has now crossed to r. c.) But, sir, {to Kewton) sinful though my 
husband lias been in going to these vile free-and-easies without my 
knowledge, i'7>i tiie proper one to punish him; {jmiht-ticatl//) uud oh, 
sir, he is otherwise innocent of anything nol)le, lordly or British, I assure 
you he is. 1 have known him many years, sir. lie is tlie father of these 
dear children, and I'm tlieir mother— his lawful wedded wife, sir: and 
none can say l)lack's the white of my eye. And though my i)Oor Jawkuis 
is the most aggravating man that ever was, I know he couldn't be crim- 
inal if he tried ever so hard. 

Jaw. {)iO(v doicn r. c, leaning on Angelina, iv/to is weeping). True, 
true ; and I never even tried to be. 

Mrs. J. {sharpl/j, seeing Kewton immoTuble). And b(>sides, man, it's 
all rul)bish. His name is Jawkins, and was Jawkins long before I 
changed my own name for it. So you're only wasting your breath, my 
good man. 

Kew. (c). Ah, ma'am, you are his wife ; lience, of course you'll take 
liis part. 

Jaw. {dreamily). That doesn't always follow. 

Kew. But, perhaps you'll tell me where he was on Sunday morning 
and afternoon? 

Mrs. J. {looking severely at SxwKi'&s, who quails). No; I do not know. 
Yet 

Kew. He was not at church, I suppose? 

Jaw. {aside). No ; it was collection Sunday. 

Kew. And so you thought to view the beauties of the ocean, I pre- 
sume ; and for that purpose j'ou wenr with some of your fellow conspir- 
ators to Rockaway Beach ; and there, in a lonely part 

Mrs. J. Rockaway Beach ! The wretch ! wasting money and enjoying 
himself, and me at home, slaving to get his food ready, and minding his 
children ! Is this true, Jawkins? 

Jaw. {uneasily, coming c, and avoiding her gaze — aside). Oh, lor'! 
now for it! {aloud) Well, my dear, it is true in a way ; but only in a 
^vay. I — er— that is. Jones, who goes to the English saloon, and sinus 
"See me Dance tlie Polka"— I mean, "The Heart Bowed Down" — he 
S!,i(| — or rather insisted — that I— that is, he, or rather, we— should just 
for once in a way — not a regular thing, you know — should try — that is, 
attempt 

Mrs. J. Enough, sir 

Kew. {crossing to Jawkins). No, ma'am, it is not enough. There is 
more to come— much more. Perhaps your husband will explain what 



12 



A HAPPY DAY. 



was in the black box which be carried wiien lie went away from Rock- 
away ? 

Jaw. {nerroHsly). NoLliiii:;-. 

Kew. And wluil was in it. i)ray, when you broug'ht it back? 

Jaw. Nothing- still ; or, at least, very little more. 

Kew. Hum ! That remains to be proved. 

Mrs. J. Black box ! He has no such box. 

Kew. Piirdon me, ma'am ; you mean, not that you're aware of. Ah, 
I see tliat, althouuh you may be his wife, you are not in his confidence. 
But to resume. That box he was seen to take witli him. His compan- 
ion had a similar box ; but that companion I have not yet tried to trace. 
No. The ringleader lirst, said I ; the rest will follow. Or, rather, I will 
follow them. Well, ma'am, when this unblushing criminal 

Jaw. Yes, you can see me unblush. 

Kew. Wlien he, I say. and his companion arrived on the Beach they 
separated, and went diflSrent ways. I, disguised as a ferrotype likeness 
taker, observed them well. Tlien I missed them l)Oth. But later (fori 
kept hovering near the spot) they met again at the same place, and on 
their way back to the station they were heard to speak in a mysterious 
manner of '• skeletons " and " deadheads." • 

Mrs. J. rtwcZ Girls {ffhrieJcinrf). What? Where? 

Jaw. {holloiiiij). Ha, ha ! 

Kew. There, now! I usk you, is that the laugh of an honest man? 
No, ma'am. There is secret assassination in every modulation of that 
guffaw ! But to resume. And as tiiey mentioned these horrible things, 
they grinned and tapped their boxes significantly. When your husband 
arrived home, fagged out, lie was seen to bring that box here, {move- 
ment of Jiorror) And it has not yet left the place, {all scream and start 
to different corners) Nor lias it, I presume, gone off, or none of you 
would be here now. Yes, {crossing to r.) that box is secreted some- 
where in these apartments ; being saved, no doubt, in order that the 
infernal machines it contains may be used to blow up our shipping, or 
even the Statue of Liberty ! 

All. No! 

Kew. Yes ; or some other useful ornament. And now, sir, {crossing 
to Jawkins, who is going up stage furtively) I demand to know where 
you placed that box? 

Mrs. J. Good heavens I Not in this house, I hope ! 

Kew. Produce it, I say ! 

Jaw {aside). If that box is seen before I can smuggle it awav to Jones, 
I am lost. No more Sunday outing for me. But I'll liave'one more 
try. {aloud) Look here, Mr. Intruder, I object to these charges in to-to. 
I'm an honest man— a man who works for his living, not one who would 
stay a fisherman from making his way, much less "shy "a revenue 
cutler! What right have you to imagine that I belong to those vile 
vermin? 

Kew. The box, sir— the box! I am waiting— Slinkerton is waiting ! 

Mrs. J. For goodness' sake, Jawkins, get rid of this man ! Tell hfm 
the box he speaks of is not here. It cannot be. 

Kew. Let him deny it at his peril ! 

Jaw. {aside). Oh, well, I suppose I must face it, or I shall never get 
rid of him. Besides, it's evident I sha'n't get let out auaiii on Sunday, 
so I may as well confess all. {aloud, c.) Very well, then, that box is here! 
It is imder the children's bed. {Rushes off, r. u. e. 

Mrs. J. {shrieking). What, under the dear children's bed! The mon- 



A HAPPY DAT. 13 

ster! It is there, then. And he would huve blown the darlings into 
iitoins 1 
Kew. Just so. 

Be-eute)' Jawkins, r. 2 e., with small black box. All sa-eam and get 
bade to corners. General conj'u&ion. Mrs. Jawkins shielding 
Utile ones under her s/iawl." 

Kew. {starting back to doo7% r,). Put it down. It will go ofl. 

Jaw. (c). I slla'n't put it down. Go ofl"* yourself, if you don't like it. 
It's mine, and I mean to open it. {he goes to r. loith it, and folioivs 
Kewton all about stage) 1 say I will open it, and clear ofl* this charge 
lor ever. 

Kew. Yes. and he'll clear us all ofl with it. {tre^nbling) I wish I hadn't 
so strongly insisted on its production. 

Jaw. {frantically trying to open box with poker). Now you shall see. 
{fastens doors and comes doicn) No one shall stir. 

Kew. {desperately). You shall not open it. Ai)art from these tremb- 
ling persons, {trembling) the life of Slinkerton's most intelligent officer 
shall not he jeopardized in this uianner. {they struggle, and box falls 
open on floor. All but Jawkins start back as far as possible, and cover 
their eyes, waiting for the explosion. Pause.) 

Kew. {nervously). What's this? It doesn't explode ! 

Jaw. Explode ! Did you ever know lishbones and "sheepsheads" to 
blow anyl)ody up? 

All. Fishbones ! 

Jaw. Yes ; tisld)ones. Here they are. Two sheepshead heads and a 
skeleton soldier crab. At least, that's what Jones, who stuck the pins 
through 'em, snid they was. 

Kew. {coming forward). Fish ! fishy ! A subterfuge that shall avail 
you nothing, {aside) All seems safe; I will arrest him. {bravely) You 
are my prisoner. 

Jaw. Am I ? Not if I know it. 

Tliey struggle all over the room. Wife opens the door and sci'eams. 
Jawkins and Kewton struggle to doorway. Suddenly Edwin 
enters, R., and jnills them forward, still clutching each other, 

Edwin. What's nil this? Hold! 
Jaw. {clutching YLEWTO'i(). We are holding! 

Ange. (rushing to Edwin). Oh, Edwin dear ! My Edwin ! part them, 
if you love me. 
Mrs. J. Yes ; part them, if yon love her. 

Jawkins. Edwin. Kewton. 

Ed. Leave it to me. {separating them) You, sir, {to Kewton) explain 
the meaning of this terrific strugiile. 

Kew. {p^'ffiug, r.). Tliat man is a dynamiter! 

Jaw. ( puffi)ig, l.). That man is a fool ! 

Kew. Think not to evade the eye or tlie hand of the law. People 
don't carry black boxes and talk about skeletons and deadheads for 
nothing! 

Jaw. Skeletons and heads be blowed ! Here tliey are. {opening box 
again) Two little fish anatomies! Specimens of Iclitliyology, Jones 
calls 'em. All I did was to keep filling my shoes with sand, and was 



14 A HAPPY DAY. 

five times threatened for trespassiiiii; ; and it strikes nie j'ou don't get me 
goini;- Ichtiiyology hunting again on the Sabbath. 

Mrs. J, (R. c). No! I'll take care you don't. 

Ed. {laughing). I say, I see it all. as tliey say on the stage, {to Kew- 
ton) You seem to have made a nice muddle of all this. How came you 
to confound entomology witli treason? 

Ange. {aside to Iter mother). W'iiat a flow of languge Edwin lias, ma! 

Kew. Entom— what's his name, l)e hanged! That's all very well. 
That explains tlie black box and the deadheads, I grant you ; l)Ut what 
about the foreign song? Wiiat about tlie new explosive " to blow out 
the pantry," eh"? 

Jaw. {laughing, and dancing ahoiit). Ha, ha! The new explosive! 
{7iudging Edwin) You know, {sings.) 

There was cake and pie and beer and ale, 

And we swam in a Bay of Bantry 
Of genuine cliam., till we all liot full, 

At the blow-out in tlie pantiT ! 
{all join in and dance around, as Kewton glares on them furiously.) 

Kew. (rt^ f^oor). Ugh ! Empty-headed frivol lers! But no matter. If 
you're not a criminal now, you may be yet, and then look out. Eemem- 
ber, I've got my eye on the lot of you. {Bangs door and exit, r. 

Jaw. He must have a big optic, mustn't he? {preparing to stai't) 
Well, now, let's be oflf. 

Ed. (c. stopping him). Stay! I have something to say to you. 

All. You! 

Jaw. {sinking i7ito cJiair). Oh, go ou ! Keep it up! Any more of 
you going on ? 

Ed. Before yon leave this house, I want jour consent to my marrying 
your eldest daughter, Angelina. 

Soph, {at hack, with children). Oh, how nice! 

Jaw. And if I refuse? 

Ed. Beware! 

Jaw. Oh ! 

Mrs. J. (0.). Leave that to me, Edwin ; I will arrange that. 

Ed. Thanks. But the husband's the head of the house, or at least he 
ouulit to be. So I want his consent. 

Mrs. J. {haiightily). Head of the house! Is he? Oh, indeed! We 
live !ind learn, {aside) Wait till he's my son-in-law; he shall sufler for 
this insult. 

Jaw. {rising). A sensible joung fellow, upon my word. Well, I sup- 
pose I must, so 

Ange. and Ed. (r. and L. o/ Jawkins). O bless j'ou for those words! 

Jaw. But I haven't said 'em yet. 

Ed. Oh, that's all right, {embraces Angelina) You liave given me 
your dauiihter. Generous man ! You shall not lose by the transaction. 
I will give you something in return. Here {placing papers in his hand) 
is a cottage villa. 

Jaw. {looking at papers sharply). A wlij^t? Where? {all come for- 
ward.) 

Ed. At Sunnyside. Some years ago a man threw liimself into the East 
Elver. He threw himself in because lie was in love. You pulled him 
out. 

Ange. {shocked). What! Out of love? 

Ed. No: out of the water. The newspapers called you a "Heroin 
humble life." 



A HAPPY DAY. 15 

Jaw. {proudly). They did— jiikI llie public subscribed u ten-dollar bill 
for nie. {to Mrs. J.) We went ;i buster ou il. 

Ed. Tiie uuui whom you rescued came uui of the water a sadder, wiser 
and a wetter man. Soon lie became a belter m;in. yeariiin^- to do some- 
tiling for liie l)enelit of his feilow-m;in, burrowed some money, look a 
liquor saloon, and, being a liumtuie man, he dihiled liis spu'lts acconiing 
to price, even more than is usiud. Hence lie prospered. Last nu)nth 
he died. This is a copy of his will (made by us). He, out of gratitude, 
having no relatives, leaves his cottage villa in New Jersey to you. 

All. What! 

Jaw. Aha! {dancing about) Virtue is rewarded at last. I shall be a 
Vanderbilt yet. Come to my arms, all of you. {hugs them all. To 
Edwin) You always had my good wishes, Edwin. Take my Angelina. 
She is yours; nay. more, you shall come with us to Coney Island. 

Ed, I meant to do so, if you hadn't started. I got away earl}' for that 
purpose. 

Ange. Oh, Edwin de:ir! I'm so glad. I shall now be able to look 
those ices in the face with a clear conscience. {tJiey retire vp fondl//.) 

Mrs. J. Well, I must s:iy things have turned out better than I ex|)ect- 
ed, and {embracing Jawkins) to think of my kind old husband being a 
Nero! 

Jaw. {bustling about). Come on! Hurry up! Two by two- little 
'uns first, {arranges procession) To the mountain's brow — I mean, the 
river's brink—that is, the pier, the dock, or whatever they call it. For- 
ward! March! Away! {music lively. They march up stage all in 
order, and imss out, as the children all sing) 

We're all a-going to Coney, oh ! {repeat twice.) 

To spend a Hapi)y Day. 

Hip, hip, hip, hooray I {twice.) 

Tl^n repeat "We're all a-going," etc. As Mr. and Mrs. Jawkins {last 
of the procession) file out ivitJi others at the door, 

CUBTAIN FALLS. 



PROPERTIES. 



Lamp and candle, bootjack, toy sand spades and pails, large picnic basket, a col- 
lector's small black box. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 



R!" means Right of Stage, facing the Audience; L. Left; C. Centre; R. C. Right 
of Centre; L. C. Left of Centre; D. F. Door in the Flat, or Scene rnuniug across 
the back of the Stage; C. D. F. Centre Door in the Flat; R. D. F. Right Door in the 
Flat; L. D. F. Left Door in the Flat; R. D. Right Door; L. D. Left Door; 1 E. First 
Entrance; 2 E. Second Entrance; U. E. Upper Entrance; 1, 2 or 3 G. First, Second 
or Third Groove. 

R. R. C. C. L. C. L. 

The reader is supposed to be upon the stage facing the audience. 



DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS. 



XQ- Please noticfi that nearly all the Comedies, Farces and Comediettas intho following 
List of "De Witt's Acting P1uA.ys " are very suitablt) lor rex^reseutatiou iu small Amateur 
Theatres and ou Parlor Stages, as they need but Lttle extrinsic aid from complex sceuery 
or expensive costumes. They have attained their deserved popularity oy tneu- droll situa- 
tions, excellent plots, great humor and brilliant dialogues, no less than by the fact that 
they are the most perfect iu every respect of any editiou of plays ever published either iu 
the United States or Europe, whether as regards purity of lext, accuracy and fullness of 
stage di)-ectious and scenery, or elegance of typography aud clearness of printing. 

*^,* In ordering please copy the figures at the commencement of each piece, which 
indicate the number of the piece in " De Witt's List of Acting Plats." 

jQS- Any of the following Plays sent, postage free, on receipt of price — Fifteen Cents 
each. 

XiS" The figure following the name of the Play denotes the number of Acts. The 
figures ia the columns indicate the number of characters— II. male; F. female. ^ 

M. r. jj^ j.^ 

Cool a3 a Cucumber, farce, 1 act 3 

Cricliet on the Hearth, drama, 3 acts 8 

Cupboard Love, farce, 1 act 2 

Cupid's Eye-Glass, comedy, 1 act.. 1 

Cup of Tta, comedietta, 1 act 3 

Cut Off with a Shilling, comedietta, 

1 act 2 

Cyril's Success, comedy, 5 acts 10 

Daddy Gray, drama, 3 acts 8 

Daisy Earm, drama, 4 acts 10 

Dandelion's Dodges, farce, 1 act... 4 

David Garrick, comedy, 3 acts 8 

Day After the Wedding, farce, 1 act i 
Dearest Mamma, comedietta, 1 act.. 4 

Dearer than Life, drama, 3 acts 6 

Deborah (Leah), drama, 3 acts 7 

Deerfoot, farce, 1 act 5 

Doing for the Best, drama, 2 acts. . 6 
Dollars and Cents, comedy, 3 acts. . 9 
Drawing Loom Car(A),comedy,l act 2 

Dreams, drama, 5 acts 6 

Druntard's Warning, drama, 3 acts 6 
Drunli'-rd's Doom (The), drama, 2a.l5 

Drunkard (The), drama, 6 acts 13 

Duchess de la Valliere.play, 5 acts.. 6 

Dumb Belle (The), farce, 1 act i 

Easy Shaving, farce, 1 act 5 

E. C. B. Susan Jane, musical bur- 
lesque, 1 act 8 

Eileen Ope, Irish drama. 4 acts 11 

Electric Love, farce, 1 act 1 

English Gentleman (An), comedy- 
drama, 4 acts 7 

Estranged, operetta. 1 act 2 

Everybody's Fi'iend. comedy, 3 acts 6 
Family Jars, musical farce, 2 acts.. 5 
Faust and Marguerite, drama, ^acts 9 
Fearful Tragedy in the Seven Dials, 

interlude, 1 act 4 

Female Detective, drama, 3 acts 11 

Fernande, drama, 3 acts 11 10 

Fifth Wlieel, comedy, 3 acts 10 2 

Fifteen Years of a Drunkard's Life, 

melodrama, 3 acts 13 4 

First Love, comedy, I act 4 1 

Foiled, drama. 4 acts 9 3 

Founded ou Facta, farce, 1 act..., ..4 2 



75, 
231. 

308, 

IU 

167, 
93. 
40. 
89. 

258. 

287, 

166, 

310, 

41, 

141, 

223 

67, 

36, 

279 

296, 

160, 

179, 

25, 

70, 

261 

226. 

24, 

199. 



175, 
55, 

69, 
80, 
65, 
68, 
219 

76. 
205, 

149, 
121, 



Adrienne, drama, 3 acts 7 

All that Glitters is not Gold, comic 

drama, 2 acts 6 

All ou Accouutof a Bracelet, come- 
dietta, 1 act 2 

Anything for a change, comedy,! act 3 
Apple Blossoms, comedy, 3 acts. . . 7 

Area Belle, farce, 1 act 3 

Atchi, comedietta, 1 act 3 

Aunt Charlotte's Maid, farce, 1 act. 3 
Aunt Dinah's Pledge, temperance 

drama, 2 acts 6 

Bachelor's Box (La Petite Hotel), 

comedietta, 1 act 4 

Bardeli vs. Pickwick, sketch. 1 act. G 
Barrack Room (The), comedietta,2a. 6 

Beautiful Forever, farce, 1 act 2 

Bells (The), drama, 3 acts 9 

Betsey Baker, farce, 1 act 2 

Birthplace of Podgers, farce, 1 act.. 7 

Black Sheep, drama, 3 acts 7 

Black-Eyed Susau, drama, 2 acts. . .li 
Black aud White, drama, 3 acts.... 6 

Blow for Blow, drama, 4 acta 11 

Breach of Promise, drama, 2 acts.. 6 
Brokeu-Hearted Club, comedietta. . 4 

Bonnie Fish Wife, farce, 1 act 3 

Bottle (The), drama, 2 acts 11 

Box and Cox, Romance, 1 act..- ... 2 

Cabman No. 93, farce, 1 act 2 

Captaiu of the Watch, comedietta, 

1 act 6 

Caste, comedy, 3 acts.^ 5 

Cast upon the Woi-ld. drama, 5 acts.H 
Catharine Howard, historical play, 

3 acts 12 

Caught by the Cuff, farce, 1 act 4 

Charming Pair, farce, 1 act 4 

Checkmate, comedy, 2 acts 6 

Chevalier de St. Geo'-ge, drama, 8a. 9 
Chimney; Corner (The), domestic 

drama, 3 acts 5 

Chops of the Channel, farce, 1 act.. 3 
Circumstances alter Cases, comic 

operetta, 1 act 1 

Clouds, comedy, 4 acts 8 

Comical Countess, farce, 1 act..* >.. Z 



a 


222 




'MS 


3 


107 




15-2 


2 


52 


3 


148 


3 




2 


113 


2 


20 


3 


28G 




4 


3 


22 




275. 


1 


93 


2 


IG 


2 


i58. 


2 


125. 


3 


71. 


2 


142. 


3 


204. 


6 


21. 


2 


2G0. 


3 


210. 


G 


2G3. 


2 


186. 


8 


212. 


1 


47. 


6 


283. 


1 




2 


202. 




315. 


2 


297. 










5 


200. 




135. 


5 


C30. 


1 


103. 


3 


9. 


5 




3 


128. 




101. 


2 


9^. 


2 


262. 


1 


145. 


7 


102. 


1 


88. 



DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS -Continued. 



M, F. 

259. Fruits of the Wiue Cup, drama, 3 cts 6 3 

192. Game of Cards (A), comedietta, la. . 3 1 

74. (iarrick Fever, farce, 1 act 7 4 

53. Gertrude's Mouey box, farce, 1 act. 4 2 

73. Goldeu Fetters (Fetter«d).diama, 3.11 4 
30. Goose with, the Goldeu Fj^ys, farce, 

lact 5 3 

131. Go to Putuey, farce, 1 act 4 3 

276. Good for Nothiuy. comic drama, la. 5 1 
306. Great Success (A), comedy, 3 acts. . 8 5 

277. Grimshaw, BagsLiaw aud liradsliaw, 

farce, 1 act 4 2 

206. Heir Apparent (The), farce. 1 act... 6 1 

241 . Haudy Andy, drama, 2 acts 10 3 

28. Happy Pair, comedietta, 1 act 1 1 

151. Hard Case (A), farce, 1 act 2 

8. Heury Duubar, drama, 4 acts 10 3 

180. Henry the Fifth, hist, play, 5 acts.. 38 5 

303. Her Only Fault, comedietta, 1 act. . 2 2 

19. He's a Lunatic, farce, 1 act 3 2 

60. Hidden Hand, drama, 4 acts 5 5 

191. High C, comedietta, 1 act 3 3 

246. High Life Below Stairs, farce.2 acts. 9 5 

301. Hiuko, romantic drama, 6 acts 12 7 

224. His Last Legs, farce, 2 acts 5 3 

187. His Owu Enemy, farce, 1 act 5 1 

174. Home, comedy, 3 acts 4 3 

211. Honesty is the Best Policy, plaj'. 1. 2 

64. Household Fairy, sketch, 1 act. ... 1 1 

190. Hunting tlie Slippers, farce, 1 act. . 4 1 

197. Hunchback (The), play, 5 acts 13 2 

225. Ici on Parle Fraucais, farce, 1 act... 3 4 
252. Idiot Witness, melodrama, 3 acts. ..6 1 

18. If I had a Thousand a Year, farce, 14 3 

116. I'm not Mesilf at all, Irish stew, la. 3 2 

129. In for a Holiday, farce, 1 act 2 3 

159. In the Wrong House, farce, 1 acr. . . 4 2 

278. Irish Attorney (The), farce, 2 acts.. 8 2 
282. Irish Broom :\Iaker, farce, 1 act 9 3 

273. Irishman in Loudon, farce, 1 acts. 6 3 

243. Irish Lion (The), farce, 1 act 8 3 

271. Irish Post (The), drama, 1 act 9 3 

244. Irish Tutor (The), farce, 1 act 5 2 

270. Irish Tiger (The), farce, 1 act 5 1 

274. Irish Widow (The), farce, 2 acts. ... 7 1 

122. Isabella Orsiui, drama, 4 acts 11 4 

177. I Shall Invite the Major, comedy, 14 1 

100. Jack Long, drama, 2 acts 9 2 

299. Joan of Arc, hist, play, 5 acts 26 6 

139. Joy is Dangerous, comedy, 2 acts. . 3 3 

17. Kind to a Fault, comedv,"2 acts 6 4 

233. Kiss in the Dark (A), farce. 1 act... . 2 3 

309. Ladies' Battle (Tlie). comedy, 3 acts 7 2 

86. Lady of Lyons, play, 5 acts 12 5 

137. L'Article 47, drama, 3 acts 11 5 

72. Lame Excuse, farce, 1 act 4 2 

144. Lancashire Lass, melodrama.4 acts. 12 3 

34. Larkins' Love Letters, farce. 1 act.. 3 2 

189. Leap Year, musical duality, 1 act... .1 1 

253. Lend JVIe Five Shillings, farce, 1 act 5 3 

111. Liar (The), comedy, 2 acts 7 2 

119. Life Chase, drama. 5 acts 14 5 

239. Limerick Boy (The), farce, 1 act 5 2 

48. Little Annie's Birthdav. farce, 1 act.. 2 4 

32. Little Rebel, farce. 1 act 4 3 

164. Little Ruby, drama, 3 acts 6 6 

295. Little Em'ly, drama, 4 acts 8 8 

165. Living Statue (The*, farce. 1 act 3 2 

228. Loan of a Lover (The), vaudeville, 1. 4 1 



M. F. 

109. Locked in, comedietta, 1 act 2 2 

85. Locked in with a Lady, sketch 1 1 

87. Locked Out, comic scene 1 1 

143. Lodgers and Dodgers, larce, 1 act.. 4 2 
212. London Assurance, comeuy, 5 acts 10 3 

291. M. P.. comedy, 4 acts 7 2 

210. Mabel's Manoeuvre, interlude, 1 act 1 3 

163. Marcoretti, drama, 3 acts 10 3 

154. Maria aud Magdalena, play, 4 acts.. 8 6 
03. Marriage at any Price, farce, ] act.. 5 3 

249. Marriage a Lottery, comedy, 2 acts. 3 4 
208. Married Baclielors. comedietta, la.. 3 2 

39. Master Jones' Birthday, farce, 1 act 4 2 

7. Maud's Peril, drama, 4 acts 6 3 

49. Midnight Watch, drama, 1 act 8 2 

15. Milky White, drama, 2 acts 4 2 

46. Miriam's Crime, drama, 3 acts 5 2 

51. Model of a Wife, farce, 1 act 3 2 

302. Model Pair (A), comedy, 1 act 2 2 

184. Money, comedy, 5 acts 17 3 

250. More Blunders than One, farce, la. 4 3 
312. More Sinned against tban Sinning, 

original Irish drama, 4 acts 11 

234. Morning Call (A), comedietta, 1 act. 1 1 

108. Mr. Scroggius. farce, 1 act 3 3 

188. Mr. X., farce, 1 act 3 3 

1G9. My Uncle's Suit, farce, 1 act 4 1 

216. My Neighbor's Wife, farce, J act 3 3 

2;!6. My Turn Next, farce, 1 act 4 3 

193. My Walking Photograph, musical 

duality, 1 act 1 1 

267. My Wiles Bonnet, farce. 1 act 3 4 

130. My Wife's Diary, farce, 1 act 3 1 

92. My Wife's Out.'farce. 1 act. 2 2 

218. Naval Engagements, farce, 2 acts. . . 4 2 
140. Never Reckon your Chickens, etc., 

farce. 1 act 3 4 

115. New Men and Old Acres, comedy, 3 8 6 

2. Nobody's Child, drama, 3 acts 18 3 

57. Noemie, drama, 2 acts 4 4 

104. No Name, drama, 5 acts 7 6 

112. Not a bit Jealous, farce, 1 act 3 3 

298. Not if I Know it, farce, 1 act 4 4 

185. Not so bad as we Seem, play, 5 acts.lS 3 

84. Not Guilty, drama, 4 acts 10 6 

117. Not such a Fool as he Looks, drama, 

3 acts 5 4 

171. Nothing like Paste, farce, 1 act 3 1 

14. No Thoroughfare, drama, 5 acts. . . 13 6 

300. Notre Dame, drama, 3 acts 11 8 

269. Object of Interest (An), farce, 1 act. 4 3 

268. Obstinate Family (The), farce, 1 act. 3 3 

173. Off the Stage, comedietta, 1 act 3 3 

227. Omnibus (The), farce, 1 act 6 4 

176. On Bread and Water, farce, 1 act.. . 1 2 
254. One Too Many, farce, 1 act 4 2 

33. One Too Many for Him, farce, 1 act 2 3 

3. £100,000. comedy, 3 acts 8 4 

90. Only a Hiillponny, farce, 1 act 2 2 

170. Only Somebody, farce, 1 act 4 2 

'289. On the Jury, diama, 4 acts 6 5 

97. Orange Blossoms, comedietta, 1 act 3 3 

66. Orange Girl, drama. 4 acts 18 4 

209. Othello, tragedy. 5 acts 16 2 

172. Ours, comedy, 3 acts 6 3 

94. Our Clerks, farce, 1 act 7 6 

45. Our Domestics, comedy-farce, 2 acts 6 6 

155. Our Heroes, military play, 5 acts... 24 5 
178. Out at Sea, drama, 5 acts 17 



DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS.-Ooiitmued. 



^ »^«> » 



M. F. < 

47. Overland Route, comedy, 3 acts — H 5 

•05. Pair ol" Shoes (A), larce, 1 act 4 3 

85. Partuers for Lile, comedy, 3 acts 7 4 

56. Peace at auy Price, laice, 1 act 1 1 

82. Peep o' L>ay, draiaa, 4 acts 12 4 

27. Peggy Gx'eeu, larce, 1 act 3 10 

23. Petticoat Parliameut, extravagauza, 

1 act 15 24 

93. Philomel, romantic drama, 3 acts... 4 

62. Photographic I'ix, farce, 1 act 3 2 

61. Plot aud Passiou, drama, 3 acts. ... 7 2 

38. Poll aud Partuer Joe, burlesqe, la.. 10 3 

17. Poor Piliicoddy, farce, 1 act 2 3 

10. Poppletou's Predicameuts. farce, la. 3 6 

50. Porter's Knot, drama, 2 acts 8 2 

59. Post Boy, drama. 2 acts 5 3 

95. Pretty Horse-Breaker, farce 3 10 

80. Pretty Piece of Busiuess (A), come- 
dy, 1 act 2 3 

81. 182. Queen Mary, drama, 4 acts 37 9 

L96. Queerest Courtship (The), comic 

operetta, 1 act 1 1 

i55. Quiet Family, farce, 1 act 4 4 

157. Quite at Home, comedietta, 1 act. . . 6 2 

132. Race for a Dinner, farce, 1 act 10 

237. Regular Fix (A), farce. 1 act 6 4 

183. Richelieu, play, 5 acts 12 2 

38. Rightful Heir, drama, 5 acta 10 2 

77. Roll of the Drum, drama, 3 acts .... 8 4 
316. Romeo on the Gridiron (A), mono- 
logue, for a lady 1 

195. Rosemi Shell, burlesque, 4 sceues.. 6 3 

247. Rough Diamond (The), farce, 1 act. G 3 

194. Rum, drama, 3 acts 7 4 

13. Ruy Bias, drama, 4 acts 12 4 

229. Sarah's Young Man, farce, 1 act 3 3 

158. School, comedy, 4 acts, 6 G 

201. School for Scandal, comedy, 5 acts. .13 4 

264. Scrap of Paper (A), comic drama, 3a. 6 C 

79. Sheep inWolf's Clothing, drama, la. 7 5 

203. She Stoops to Conquer, comedy, 6a.l5 4 

37. Silent Protector, farce. 1 act 3 2 

35. Silent Woman, farce, 1 act 2 1 

313. Single Married Man (A), comic ope- 
retta, 1 act 6 2 

43. Sisterly Service, comedietta, 1 act.. 7 2 

6. Six Months Ago, comedietta, 1 act.. 2 1 

221. Slasher and Crasher, farce. 1 act... 5 2 

10. Snapping Turtles, duologue, 1 act. . .1 1 

2(5. Society, comedy, 3 acts 16 5 

207. Sold Again, comic operetta, 1 act... 3 1 

304. Sparking, comedietta, 1 act 1 2 

78. Special Performances, farce, 1 act. . 7 3 
215. Still Waters Run Deep, comedy. 3a. 9 2 
.'"i6. Sweethearts, dramatic contrast, 2a.. 2 2 
232. Tail (Tale) of a Shark, musical mon- 
ologue, 1 scene 1 

31. Tamuxg a Tiger, farce, 1 act 3 

150. Tell-Tale n •* comedietta, 1 act. . 1 2 

120. Tempest in a i ou^^ot comedy, 1 act 2 1 



257 



146, 

83 

245 
251 
42 
27 
1133, 
153, 



134. 

272. 
235. 
238. 

29. 
214. 
108. 
126. 
234. 
198. 
265. 
220. 

56. 
123. 
288. 
292. 
294. 
1G2. 
106. 

81. 
317. 

124. 

91. 

118. 

231. 



44. 
311. 
105. 
266. 

98. 

12. 

213. 

5. 

314. 

136. 
161. 

11. 

290. 

64. 



ST. r. 

Ten Nights in a Bar Room, drama, 

5 acts 8 2 

There's no Smuke without Fire, 

comedietta, 1 act 1 2 

Thrice Married, personation piece, 

1 act 6 1 

Thumping Legacy (A), 1 act 7 1 

Ticket of Leave Man, drama, 4 acts. 9 9 

Time and the Hour, drama, 3 acts. 7 3 

Time and Tule, drama, 4 acts 7 6 

Timothy to the Rescue, farce, 1 act 4 2 
'Tis Better to Live than to Die, 

farce, 1 act 2 1 

Tompkins the Troubadour, farce. 1.3 2 

Toodles (The), drama, 2 acts 10 2 

To Oblige Benson, comedietta, 1 act 3 2 

Trying It On, farce, 1 act 3 3 

Turning the Tables, farce, 1 act 6 3 

Turn Him Out, farce, 1 act 3 2 

Tweedie's Rights, comedy, 2 acts.. 4 2 

Twice Killed, farce, 1 act 6 3 

'Twixt Axe and Crown, play, 5 acts. 24 13 

Twin Sisters, comic operetta. 1 act. 2 2 

Two Bonnycastles, farce, 1 act 3 3 

Two Buzzardfc (The), farce, 1 act 3 2 

Two Gay Deceivers, face, 1 act 3 

Two Polts, farce, 1 act 4 4 

Two Roses (The), comedy. 3 acts. . . 7 4 

Two Thorns (The), comedy, 4 acts.. 9 4 

Uncle Dick's Darling, drama, 3 acts 6 6 

Uncle's Will, comedietta, 1 act 2 1 

Up for the Cattle Show, farce, 1 act 6 2 

Vandyke Brown, farce, 1 act 3 3 

Veteran of 1812 (The), romantic mil- 
itary drama, 5 acts 12 1 

Volunteer Review, farce, 1 act 6 i 

Walpole, comedy in rhyme 7 2 

Wanted, a Young Lady, farce, 1 act. 2 1 
Wanted, One Thousand Spirited 
Young Milliners for the Gold Re- 
gions, farce, 1 act 3 7 

War to to the Knife, comedy, 3 acts 5 4 

What Tears can do, comedietta, la.. 3 2 

Which of the Two? comedietta, la.. 2 10 

Who Killed Cock Robin? farce, 2a.. 2 2 

Who is Who ? farce 3 2 

Widow Hunt, comedy, 3 acts 4 4 

Widow (The), comedy, 3 acts 7 6 

William Tell with a Vengeance, bur- 
lesque 8 2 

(Window Curtain, monologue. ... 1 

I Circumstantial Evidence " 1 

Woman in Red, drama, 4 acts 6 8 

Woman's Vows and Masons' Oaths, 

drama, 4 acts 10 4 

Woodcock's Little Game, farce. 2a.. 4 4 
Wrong Man in the Right Place (A), 

farce, 1 act 2 3 

Young Collegian, farce, 1 act 3 2 



DE WITPS DRAWING-ROOM OPERETTAS, 



TO MUSICAL AMATEURS. ,^^J 

The number of Musical Amateurs, both ladies and gentlemen, is not only very 
targe, but is constantly increasing, and very naturally, for there is no more r«> 
fin^d and pleasant mode of spending leisure hours than in singing and playing tha 
•hoice productions of the best Composers. Hitherto there has been an almost total 
,lack of suitable pieces adapted to an evening's entertainment in Parlors by Amateurs. 
Of course whole Operas, or even parts of Operas, require orchestral accompani- 
ments and full choruses to give them effect, and are therefore clearly unfit for 
Amateur performance, while a succession of songs lacks the interest given by a 
plot and a contrast of characters. In this series (a list of which is given below) wo 
have endeavored to supply this want. The best Music of popular Composers is wed- 
ded to appropriate words, and the whole dovetailed into plots that are effective as 
jnere petite plays, but are rendered doubly interesting by the appropriate and beau- 
iifvl Music, specially arranged for them. 



LIST OF DE WITT'S MUSICAL PLAYS. 

PRICE 15 CENTS EACH. 



LEAP TEAE.— A Musical Dual- 
ity. By Alfred B. Sedgwick. Mu- 
sic selected and adapted from Of- 
fenbach's celebrated Opera, " Gene- 
vieve de Brabant.'''' One Male, one 
Female Character. 

THE TWIN SISTEES-Comic 

Operetta, in One Act. The Music 
selected from the most popular num- 
bers in Le Cocq''s celebrated Opera 
Bouffe, " Girofie Girofla,'''' and the 
Libretto written by Alfked B. Sedo- 
wicK. Two Male, Two Female 
Characters. 

jsold agattt and got the 

MONEY.— Comic Operetta, in One 
Act. The Music composed and the 
Libretto written by Alfked B. Sedg- 
wick. Tliree Male, One Female 
Character. 

THE QUEEREST OOTJETSHIP.. 

— Co.nic Operetta, iu One Act. Thef 
Music arranged from Offenbach's 
celebrated Opera, " La Princesse de 
Trebizonde,''' and the Libretto writ- 
ten by Alfred B. Sedgwicx. One 
Male, One Female Character. 



ESTEANGED— An Operetta, in 
One Act, The Musi« arranged from 
Verdi's celebrated Opera, " II Trov- 
atore.'''' and the feibretto adapted by 
Alfred B. Sedgwick. Two Male, 
One Female Character. 

OIEOUMSTANOES ALTEE 

CASES.— Comic Operetta, in Ono 
Act. The music composed and the 
Libretto written by Alfred B. Sedg- 
wick, One Male, One Female Char- 
acter. 

MY WALKING PHOTOGEAPH. 

— Musical Duality, in One Act. Tho 
Music arranged from Le Cocq's 
Opera, "Za Fille de Madame Angot,'''* 
and the Libretto written by Alfred 
B. Sedgwick. One Male, One Fe- 
male Character. 

i SINGLE MAEEIED MAN.- 

Comic Operetta, in One Act. The 
Music arranged from Offenbach's 
celebrated Opera Bouffe, " Madame 
V Archidvc,'"' and the Libretto writ- 
ten by Alfred B. Sepgwick. Six 
Male, Two Female Cha: acters. 



MOLLY MOEIAETY. -All Irish 

Musical Sketch, in One Act The 
Music composed and the Dialogue 
written by Alfred B. Sedgwick. 
One Male, one Female Character. 
Suitable for the Variety Stage. 

THE OHAEGE OF THE HASH 

BRIGADE.— A Comic Irish Musical 
Sketch. The Musie composed and 
the Libretto written by Joseph P. 
Skelly. Two Male, two Female 
Characters. Suitable for the Variei^ 
Staf^e. 



GAMBEINUS^ KING OF LAGEE 

BEER.— A Musical Ethiopian Bur- 
lesque, in One Act. Music and Dia- 
logue by Frank Dumont. Eight 
Male, one Female Character. Suita- 
ble for the Ethiopian Stage. 

AFEIOANUS BLUEBEAED.-A 

Musical Ethiopian Burlesque, in Ono 
Act. Music and Dialogue by Frank 
Dumont. Four Male, four Feraal* 
Characters. Suitable for the EUiM, 
jitm Stage. 



POPULAR HAND BOOKS 



FOR — 



R eadingS-M^Recitations. 

"VON BOYLE'S'" 

RECHERCHE RECITATIONS. 

A new compilation by this celebrated elocutionist and character 
delineator, containing many pieces which cannot be found elsewhere^ 
having been written by him expressly for this book ; also many selections 
from this genial humorist's " repertoire," which now, fov the first time, 
appear in print ; all the pieces, old and new, having been adopted and 
used by him, with special reference to variety and good taste. 

200 PAGES, ILLUMINATED PA FEU COVER, 

DE TWITT'S 

Cloicfi Mm aiiJ Select Eecitatioas. 

Five Numbers. One hundred pages each. Specially adapted for 
the School and the Family: being the best pieces of their kind ever 
written. 

Almost every different phase of passion and sentiment finds its 
bebt and most effective expression in some of the pieces in this series. 

r^IMOE, lO CEIVTS. 

Copies of any of the above I'Ooks sent ly mail to any address, <m 
ra«*K«)i of price. 



DE Wrrj['8 ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DKAMA.— Continued. 



M. F. 

33. Jealous Husband, elietch 2 1 

94. Julius the Suoozer. burlesque, 3 sc. 6 1 
103. Katriua's Little Game, Dutch act, 

1 sceue 1 1 

1. Last of the Mohicans, sketch 3 1 

36. Laughiug Gas, sketch, 1 sceue 6 1 

18. Live lujuu, sketch, 4 scenes 4 1 

00. Lost Will, sketch 4 

37. Lucky Job, farce, '2 scenes 3 2 

yo. Lunatic (The), farce, 1 sceue 3 

loy. Making a Hit, farce, 2 scenes 4 

19. Malicious Trespass, sketch, 1 scene. 3 
149. 'Meriky, Ethiopian farce, 1 scene... 3 1 
151. Micky Free, Irish sketch, 1 scene.. 6 

96. Midnight Intruder, farce, 1 scene . 6 1 
147. Milliner's Shop (The), Ethiopian 

sketch, 1 scene 2 2 

129. Moko Marionettes, Ethiopian eccen- 

ti'icity, 2 scenes 4 5 

101. Molly Moriarty, Irish musical 

sketch, 1 scene • 1 1 

117. Motor Bellows, corned j% 1 act 4 

44. Musical Servant, sketch. 1 scene — 3 

8. Mutton Trial, sketch, 2 scenes .... 4 
119. My Wife'sVisitors, comic drama,lsc. 6 1 

49. Night in a Strange Hotel, sketch, Isc. 2 
132. Noble Savage, Ethi'n sketch, 1 sc. ,. 4 
145. No Pay No Cure, Ethi'n sketch,! sc. 5 

22. Obeying Orders, sketch, 1 scene.... 2 1 

27. lOOth Night of Hamlet, sketch 7 1 

125. Oh, Hush ! operatic olio 4 1 

30, Oue Night in a Bar Room, sketch . . 7 

114. One Night in a Medical College, 

Ethiopian sketch, 1 scene 7 1 

76. One, Two, Three, sketch, 1 scene.. 7 

91. Painter's Apprentice, farce, 1 scene. 5 
87. Pete and the Peddler, Negro and 

Irish sketch, 1 scene 2 1 

135. Pleasant Companions, Ethiopian 

sketch, 1 scene 5 1 

92. Polar Bear (The), farce, 1 scene 4 1 

9, Policy Players, sketch, 1 scene 7 

57. Pompey's Patients, interlude, 2 sc. 6 

65. Porter's Troubles, sketch, 1 scene.. 6 1 

66. Port Wine vs. Jealousy, sketch 2 1 

115. Private Boarding, comedy, 1 scene. 2 3 
14. Recruiting Office, sketch, 1 act 5 

105. Rehearsal (The), Irish farce, 2 sc. . . 3 1 

45. Remittance from Home,sketch,l sc. 6 
55. Rigging a Purchase, sketch. 1 sc... 3 



M. F. 

81, Rival Artists, sketch, 1 scene 4 

26. Rival Tenants, sketch 4 

138. Rival Barbers' Shops (The), Ethio- 
pian farce, 1 scene 6 1 

15. Sam's Courtship, farce, 1 act 2 1 

59. Sausage Makers, sketch, 2 scenes. . 5 1 

21. Scampini, pantomime, 2 scenes 3 3 

80. Scenes on the Mississippi^ sketch, 

2 scenes 6 

84. Serenade (The), sketch, 2 scenes.... 7 

38. Siamese Twins, sketch, 2 Si.*nes 5 

74. Sleep Walker, sketch, 2 scenes 3 

46. Slippery Day, sketch, 1 scene 6 1 

69. Squire lor a Day, sketch 5 1 

56. Stage-struck Couple, interlude, 1 sc. 2 1 

72. Stranger, burlesque, 1 scene 1 2 

13. Streets of New York, sketch, 1 ec. . . 6 

16. Storming the Fort, sketch, 1 scene, 5 
7. Stupid Servant, sketch, 1 scene 2 

121. Stocks Up! Stocks Down! Negro 

duologue, 1 scene 2 

47. Take It, Don't Take It, sketch, 1 sc. 2 
54. Them Papers, sketch, 1 scene 3 

100. Three Chiefs (The), sketch, 1 scene. 6 

102. Three A. M., sketch, 2 scenes 3 1 

34. Three Strings to one Bow, sketch, 

1 scene 4 1 

122. Ticket Taker, Ethi'n farce, 1 scene. 3 

2. Tricks, sketch 5 2 

104. Two Avvfuls (The), sketch, 1 scene.. 5 

5. Two Black Roses, sketch 4 1 

28. Uncle Eph's Dream, sketch, 2 sc. . . 3 1 
V3i. Unlimited Cheek, sketch, 1 scene.. 4 1 

62. Vinegar Bitters, sketch, 1 sceue 6 1 

32. Wake up. William Henry; sketch. . . 3 

39. Wanted, a Nurse, sketch, 1 scene... 4 

75. Weston, the Walkist, Dutch sketch, 

1 scene 7 1 

93. What shall I Take? sketch, 1 scene. 7 1 

29. Who Died First ? sketch, 1 scene. ..31 
97. Who's the Actor? farce, 1 scene 4 

137. Whose Baby is it ? Ethiopian sketch, 

1 scene 2 1 

143. "Wonderful Telephone (The), Ethio- 
pian sketch, 1 scene 4 1 

99. Wrong Woman in the Right Place, 

sketch, 2 scenes 2 2 

85. Young Scamp, sketch, 1 scene,, 3 

116. Zacharias' Funeral, farce, 1 scene. . 5 



A COMPLETE DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE OF DE WITT'S ACT- 
'ING PLAYS AND DE WITT'S ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMAS, 
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HOW TO MAHAGE 
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Being plain instructions for construction and arrangement of Stage, 
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Price, 25 Cents, 

DE WITT'S SELECTIONS 

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Nos. 1, 2, 8, 4 &; 5« 

Being choice selections from the very best Dramas, Corned ;es and 
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